DAUGHTERS OF MATERNAL SCHIZOPHRENIA: OUR STORIES

When I was seven years old my mother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and was hospitalized off and on for the next several years. Living with her illness profoundly affected my life as a child, and as an adult. I tried to research the effects of this experience on children when I entered college in the late 1960s, but found almost nothing in the literature. Although she was always emotionally aloof, my mother was very intelligent and creative, and had a good sense of humor when I was young. Schizophrenia claimed her life a few late years later, and, like a vice grip, it never let go.

I am the daughter of a Mexican mother and Portuguese, Chinese father. I was born in Mexico City and raised in Sydney, Australia. I am a professional vocalist and songwriter based in Mexico City. My career in the music industry spans two decades. In the year 1989 my life pivoted dramatically. I was nine years old when my mother developed schizophrenia. In that moment, life as I had known it, crumbled. My mother’s warmth, love, kindness, joy, guidance and protection vanished. The stability every child so desperately needs, was eradicated from our home.

I am a daughter who grew up with maternal schizophrenia, creating a puzzle of family events not understood until later in life.  Chaotic events I was at a loss to understand, or explain to others. Not undertstanding the illness created a cycle of damage as I chased memories of family unity experienced as a young child, before the illness took over.  Love and safety that existed when grandparents were nucleus of our family, when the smell of warm tobbacco pipe and pot roast smelled like love and safety.  A vision that would never be again with the silent introduction of Schizophrenia. 

Maternal Schizophrenia's power to ingrain delusion in a family is as powerful as a mother ability to influence "stranger danger" upon young children.  This influence was used against my Nana (my fathers mother, who I look like) who my mother held an increasing dislike. And me too as I became older.  Without knowing there was mental illness behind what was happening, my mothers actions and how she saw me were confusing.  And ingested personally as I grew into adulthood, effecting many years of my life. 

I am the youngest of the "Daughters" here on this D2D site, hoping to help those in my generation growing up with family Schizophrenia  - as well as inspire tools of coping and healing that have helped me.

My father, paternal grandmother and step brother (through my father) are diagnosed Schizophrenia, carrying an effect on life that I feel would have been easier with more information, education and peers to relate to as I started becoming more aware of Schizophrenias control on my father.

Through this website I have learned fears and anxiety I struggle with are common with children growing up with family Schizophrenia. Just knowing this helps me not feel so alone!  The sites resources are helping to open doors of empowerment, using art and even rock climbing as therapy to offset my experiences. And even offers tools to educate better strategies in helping ill family members too.

People have abandoned their loved ones for much less than you’ve been through,” Mira Bartók is told at her mother’s memorial service. It is a poignant observation about the relationship between Mira, her sister, and their mentally ill mother. Before she was struck with schizophrenia at the age of nineteen, beautiful piano protégé Norma Herr had been the most vibrant personality in the room. She loved her daughters and did her best to raise them well, but as her mental state deteriorated, Norma spoke less about Chopin and more about Nazis and her fear that her daughters would be kidnapped, murdered, or raped.